It Is A Time For Redefining Friendships

"Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone."
- Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927)

calm down if you think this title is in any way implying that i want to dump old friends for newer and better models, or change social circles in general...

no.

it's just that at this point of time, we should take a step back to reflect and examine what the people in our lives mean to us. i mean, i realise that most people would not appreciate this exercise, nor would they execute it, some would even condemn such a thing and deem it useless and unnecessary.

i have just come to a point in life where those who i hold near and dear to me are far away, each living their own lives. so what exactly holds us together now? our past? our trust we have developed in each other? i suppose that those are valid enough reasons to maintain a friendship, but it fades in comparison when i reminisce of times gone by, when we made friends and kept friends and grew as friends based on common interests and similar personalities.

i used to have this theory that people do not change, not really, not deep down inside. that there is a raw unpolished part in people that is revealed to the world during childhood. and as they grow, they develop personalities which hide and suppress it.

i would love to say that i still support my theory, and were i to be in a more logical and objective mindset i probably would stand by my theory. but as such, the circumstances serve to deem me wrong.

you see, i observe that as time goes by, people change- i changed. in subtle ways, unconsciously. the most superficial of which would be adapting to a better lifestyle, getting a wider social circle or even developing new tastes for food once best avoided. but on a deeper level, i have noticed changes too- i feel more inclined to express myself through the medium of fashion, and much less verbally. i have become less open to different experiences when there was once a time where i would have jumped at any opportunity no matter how foreign it was to me. i now evaluate and examine every move i make and compare it to similar situations i have encountered.

i suppose that these changes are inevitable as one grows and experiences new things. most even consider it to be a good thing. but it scares me, because i now do not know who i have become. i was once very much aware of who i was, and didn't very much care. it is a fine thing to be comfortable enough in just being you, something which i notice some people prevent themselves from experiencing. and i used to judge people, but i realise now that my judging is more of an instinct, and i judge people as i would a movie or a literary piece. it holds no prejudice against the person in question, although sometimes my judgement will be the default opinion of that person, until they prove me wrong, which i always look forward to very much.

so as i was saying, we now have grown and changed in our own ways. personally, it has been four years since i have been in school together with my comrades. and it was nay easy a time for us when we left each other's company, as each had to grapple with finding themselves again. i find it surprising that most others do not have the same issues. i assume that they are very comfortable in any situation, or that ignorance is bliss. the latter of which has been proven to be true time and time again.

so where do we go from here? the people we made friends with four years ago made friends with the person we were four years ago. are we still friends for the same reason? what still keeps us together? diverging interests, lifestyles and experiences now serve as walls between us. or should we revert back to our high school selves every time we are around them? would that not be perverted?

i do suppose that there is a beauty in helping each other grow as we grow as well, albeit in our own very distinctive ways. but that is my point exactly- can we be friends just for fun, as well as for personal development? hell, can we be friends just for fun, period? personal development follows naturally anywhere, anytime.

i miss the fun times. =\