as i was telling eu chern, i'm changing. i've changed somewhat-- now i'm just waiting to see to what extent.
to those of you who consider themselves good friends of mine and still read this blog, good for you then, you have received the memo. (this is the memo.)
i suppose, it's life, i guess. i mean, in high school i held on to the ideal that things between me and my closest friends wouldn't change. but reality proves me wrong over and over again. i'm tired of fighting the inevitable.... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. so i just gotta sit back and learn to accept things.
we're getting out of touch with each other, but that can't be helped, seeing as we're leading separate lives... but since no one seems to be making the effort to keep in touch, there's nothing i can do about it. it's not like i didn't try either. but when my efforts keep falling through, i learn from my mistakes, you know, no point ramming into a brick wall...
here's a song i found that sums up my feelings pretty nicely. if anyone cares to read it through, it's quite nice....
----------------------
My Side Of The Story- Hodges
A cold wind blows
I am shivering
My body aches, as my heart is breaking
Why is life, making me hollow
Why is happiness casting me in the shadows, in the shadows
Hold on, dont turn and walk away
Save me
And I cry these words, but nobody came
I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
And nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear
My side of the story
Emptiness its all around me, I try to catch my breath, barely surviving
I cant go on and I've come undone there's nothing left in me
Hold on, don't turn and walk away
Save me
And I cry these words, but nobody came
I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my burden to bear
And nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear
As I fall down, hold on
As I fall away
I cry these words and nobody came
I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only my burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear
My side of the story
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i shouldn't wait if no one is coming. i'll just walk along. maybe i'll find someone to walk with. either way, i won't stay. in life, we're all alone anyways. friends are supposed to be the ones who choose to walk with you. if no one does, you can't make them.
i used to care. so much. about the people in my life. then reality grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me till i realised that no one else was caring that much. it didn't matter, if they were there, i would still care for them. now no one's left. so i just have to learn to care for new people, who come into my life. it'll never be the same though.
why doesn't anyone get this? i feel so alone.
it hurts when you realise you're not as important to anyone else. (i guess now i should learn to appreciate my parents more.... sigh)
Monday, April 25, 2011
No One Will Hear My Side Of The Story
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4 soulmate(s) found:
argh i know that feeling. it really sucks. there are times i think about it. its on my list of top 5 fears, losing the ppl i love.
i always think i'm lucky to have met awesome people in uni because when i started my degree i seriously just saw myself all alone throughout the 3 years. i went through that in sem 1. i had no real friends. just classmates (that time you were always stuck with the same tutorial group). you know what, i'm going very far from the point. lol
anyway. i have to stress this because you have been with the same ppl probably for most of your life but i've been with many different people and thought they would be with me forever but they didn't.
lemme start with kindergarten. zomg the fun i had with my friends kier christopher and whatsername. see i forgot her name already. haha we thought we'd be friends forever (but then again we were in kindy so yea =.=). then i moved to kl. haha.
primary school. there was jun, sakinah, anthony, and a few more. these were the few ppl i was close to. but when they moved, you know. i was basically alone most of the time la.
secondary school. part 1. i was in one school for 2 years then i moved. in this school i had one friend who i was close to. but when i left. yeah you know.
secondary school. part 2. the guy i always mention saffuan was the guy i hung out with all the time. and another guy la. this other guy's studying in ktar now having his own life. but saffuan's like you. still more than keeping in touch. he always calls and wants to meet up and all. he's awesome. also there's eleda, ive mentioned her many times too. now i was really really close to eleda. but...somehow after i left school we just drifted apart. like we try to force conversations upon one another at times but it doesnt work out. it just wasnt as fun to talk as when we were in school together and had more in common than we do now. if there's one friend i really regret losing its eleda. its not that i've lost her lost her. its just that we'll never ever be as close as we were before. other than that, ive lost touch with everyone.
then foundation. i had awesome friends but nothing as awesome as you guys. i mean i am myself around you guys. my friendship with my foundation friends was honestly, frankly superficial. it was difficult to let go when i finished foundation but yeah i did.
so you can see why, with ease, i'm able to say this to you.
"people come and go. friends, if they're meant to be, stay"
have you thought that maybe the only reason you guys got so close was because you guys were stuck together in school for so long? once you guys were free to go where ever you could go, you guys did. many people get so caught up in their lives that the past is just...that, the past.
but to some the past is everything. everything they were, everything that made them what they are now. and the past was also everyone they knew. its hard to let go of that.
for me it was easy to let go cos i was used to that. honestly, ive never had a real group of friends like you guys. which is why im scared of losing you guys. i tend to think of worst case scenarios. and i always wonder what happens if i lose you guys cos of something as ridiculous as graduation. once again straying from the point.
but now that ive typed so much. i'm not sure what my point is. i think what im trying to say is: chill.
i quote a line from a guy in "two and a half men". life is like...a river. go with the flow. :D
i dont expect this to cheer you up. cos i'm bad at cheering ppl up. haha i hope it helps you get over the issue though. i know how much your friends mean to you. but don't worry. i dont plan on going anywhere. and im sure neither do ellana and the rest. :D i'm keeping my uni friends for life.
hey dear.. i know how u feel. but we cant be too sad about it though.. its just something we have to learn how to deal with.
cheer up yeah! and i'll be back soon :)
What if I tell you that sometimes, keeping in touch doesn't mean calling every single day? Or texting. We're all so busy with our lives, and we aren't in control of time. Meeting up once a while is good, we've more to tell, more stories to share.
I don't know why you make such a big deal out of it. Your friends still care for you, just that you don't know it. I don't know you, but I feel you. And then, I realise meeting up once awhile is good too, it strengthens the bond even more.
Don't think too much, live your life and never let go of your old friends. Trust me, they still care for you.
wow, anonymous, i like your line "I don't know you, but I feel you."
meeting up and all is fine. i guess i just miss having my best friends constantly around in my life. our views on relationships might have changed now, but back then, in that moment, it was beautiful, that feeling of finding people you could really relate to....
but now i have found other people i relate to as well, so i'm thankful. i know that in some ways i'll never again fully relate to my old friends, and that's what makes me a little bit sad... i guess i loved them so much i wanted to know everything about them? have you ever had the feeling where you feel as if you had finally found your place in this world? somewhere where you belonged, where your wildest dreams came true? i found it among these people. now they're different, completely affecting that magic... and it took me awhile to adapt to it...
ps, if people care for you but you don't know it, then they might as well not... because it's not properly shared, basically then it counts as nothing. it's like just wishing you could've caught the glass before it fell and broke... you feel it, but nothing can be done.... i mean, that's just how i see it. somehow that makes it easier to deal with things.
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