The Story Of My Life

Inividuality

2011-12-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

you know i'm so sick of having so many things in common with a certain annoying extra appendage.

it just makes me so sick that i can't be who i am or what i want to be when she's around.

i have to play the role she's familiar with. i have to be who she thinks i am.

and i just lose my sense of individuality. people start to associate us together. if i'm there she's supposed to be there as well.

i. just. want. to. do. my. own. thing.

the. way. i. want. it.

is it me, or does it seem like she always want to have what i have? thereby indirectly taking it away from me? because i get so sick of pretending i actually enjoy sharing it, that i just give in and give it up and let her take it over completely?

i know some people actually like sharing.

i like sharing too.

but not with someone with whom i was FORCED to share every bloody fucking single thing with ever since she arrived.

as if i had no independent will of my own.

as if i didn't deserve to have things of mt own.

as if i wasn't worth a damn fucking thought.

as if i was there just to facilitate her existence.

i love sharing.

but when you make me give it up, when you take it by force, that isn't sharing.

get your facts straight.

i am my own person. i have my own life. now get out of it. i don't get into yours, now do i? you made it pretty clear that i wasn't welcome.

but i can't do the same to you, lest certain people write me off as bullying you, or being selfish, or being mean.

and you have no right to criticise me should i decide not to let you borrow my stuff.

you want to steal my style as well?

thank god you're leaving.

then i can leave as well. then i can live.

The Heart-wrenching Story Of My Life

2011-12-01T01:54:00.000-08:00

such is my luck

that i find the perfect guy

the PERFECT guy

sweet, humble, funny, kind, caring, slightly vulnerable, out going, friendly, honest, witty, can still surprise me with the littlest things AND smart AND is taller than me

and he thinks that he isn't good enough for anyone

moreover he already has someone else in mind

and i know this because he told me that he isn't good enough for this other girl.

excellent, two strikes in one blow.

and i don't know what to do about it.

i hate this feeling.

i feel immensely vulnerable yet very much happy at the same time.

it sucks.

and to top it all off, he might, he just might like me as well.

if his body language isn't miscommunicating.

i never should have let myself fall.

but he's perfect. ='(

The Curse Of The First Born

2011-11-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

Nobody knows the troubles i see.... Nobody knows my sorrow....

i don't know if all first-borns out there can relate to this, but it sucks to be the first born in the family.

oh sure, you might think that we get all the stuff first hand, we never get hand-me-downs, we set the trail for our siblings to follow...

but behind the thin veil of the rather dull glitz and glamour,is a whole load of responsibility and expectations that only the first born child of the family is supposed to bear- freeing all other siblings of the role.

as a first born, you're expected to take care of your younger siblings, and in the view of the parents, that means sharing your stuff whether you want to or not, giving them stuff that we actually might still want to keep, thank you very much, giving in to their ridiculous whims and tantrums, letting them climb all over you without uttering a single complaint, letting them choose the better of EVERYTHING EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET THE FIRST CHOICE, HELLO... and your parents... your parents, who up until then had fussed over YOU AND ONLY YOU, now stand behind you, judging you by your every move how you treat the new baby...

you're supposed to be the chew toy when their teeth start coming in, when they hit you, it's FUCKING ADORABLE, but when you hit THEM, whoa, why are you being such a bitter, vindictive elder sibling? have you no compassion? apparently younger siblings have absolutely no fucking clue as to what they are doing, that's why we should just sit back and let them do whatever the hell they please. and us, on the other hand, have been bestowed with infinitely more knowledge and understanding than them just because we have a few years on them. hence, we have to be the good example, the shining beacon which they will use as a guide to shape their lives.

and that's all just during childhood...

when you get older, the parents fucking start blaming you if anything goes wrong with the younger ones, as if they are totally devoid of the responsibility of raising them. i mean, hello, we can't cross the younger ones, should they tell on us, and if we tell on them, we're tattling.

and we're supposed to get "equal amounts" of every shit thing, because of course the parents love us both "EQUALLY". yet he first born is still expected to shoulder more burden, because, well, you ARE the first born...

and we're supposed to watch out for the younger one, thereby impeding their personal growth and development into someone independent. what kind of reasoning on the parents' behalf is that?!?!

and then when THEY make mistakes later in life, it's still overlooked, as if they are still fucking ignorant of their actions. you get reprimanded for the same mistakes, or even less, whilst they get to go off scott-free.

and chores. CHORES. you're expected to do pretty much everything, because yours is the name they remember most. and apparently the other kid is too young to do shit except whatever they want.

and there you sit, under-appreciated for the better part of your life, and you are the one expected to take care of your parents in their old age. because apparently, they've been looking after you the longest.

urgh. fuck this shit.

A Step Forward

2011-11-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

my best friends have always told me that i'm too nostalgic, too depressing, too pessimistic, a real mood killer yadda yadda....

when i'm told these things, i don't get affected, because i know that i'm not any of these, and that what they say is true as of that moment.

lately i've found myself to be cheery to the point of being annoying.

and i realised that i'm cheery around people i like, but don't really know well. and i find myself asking this- why do i seem to be happier around new acquaintances but not when i'm with my nearest, dearest friends, around whom i tend to be macabre and dreary?

well, one could attribute it to the tendencies of people to compensate for other people lack, because i have such fun, lively friends, i simply have to take on the boring persona to maintain a shred of balance in the group...

but i think that the main issue is that my best friends are such awesome people who mean so much to me that i am in constant fear of losing them. so i always appreciate every moment with them... and the sense of nostalgia is rather strong...

i mean, i could be cheery and fun, but then who would be the one to rein you guys in? :P

if i chose to just enjoy every moment with them, without regard as to whether they would still be in my life after that or not, then i wouldn't be doing justice to what they really meant to me.

as we grow up and grow into life (aka adulthood), mature friendships really mean a lot.

i mean, of course you could make new friends who would still get you...

and of course you would change and thus have new friends who are a better fit for the new you...

but unless you really sucked when you were with your old friends, or your old friends really suck, old friends are a gem.

they remind you of who you were, what your childhood ideals were, what made you become the you you are now....

they relate to your experiences in your younger days, most probably because they were right there with you... new experiences count as well, but you can't deny the person you used to be... unless you used to suck la, of course.

and you would also act as each other's yardsticks by which you can measure how far you've come along in life...

and they are also the people you know will enrich your life so much more, just by being there.

they are the ones you know who'll make life tons more bearable in the face of adversity.

not to mention how well you get along and share so many perspectives and are able to make each other laugh because you are the elite few who get each other's jokes, ya-huh. :D

so, to all my friends to whom i complain that i don't get to see you enough, that we haven't spent enough time together and lament about how short life is and how precious and fragile our friendship is.... it's because i really appreciate you. and you are the ones who are able to actually cause me hurt in any way.

i am emotionally invested in you. that's why i worry about my investment :P when i don't really care about what happens to other people, that's when i can be light-hearted and disconnected because they wouldn't really matter.

that's why i say that you are lucky when you hang out with the sad JO =\

i love you.

hmm, this sounds like a suicide note....

but maybe only metaphorically, maybe the old me is dying... maybe.

Life, Death.

2011-11-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

you may call me macabre, depressed, suicidal or whatever else you please. but the fact is that death is beautiful. interpret it however you may, but know that i am only saying this from a poetic point of view.

when we are young, we are so much more in touch with death. we have not much to lose.

as we grow into this world, we grow attached to it. we stand to lose more and more. the thought of it simply horrifies me.

why do we grow attached? is it simply in our nature? what if we do not grow attached? would we then be considered abnormal?

i have always never felt normal, never related to what most of society deems as "acceptable". never felt the same needs and wants. and i was, in a sense, proud of that. because i recognised that i was different. yet, that made me feel infinitely alone- because i was ridiculed and isolated by those who did not have the brain capacity to comprehend the diversity in other people.

now, however, i have discovered more and more like-minded individuals like myself. and it is refreshing indeed to start to feel that sense of belonging, of being a part of something bigger than yourself. it has however, shaken my longstanding view of myself- that i am alone. my defenses have always been raised. but there is getting less and less need for it now. and i am afraid that should i let them drop, that i will not know how to raise them again should the need arise.

aside from that, why does it seem to me that society always has a say in how i conduct myself and what i do? it is getting really annoying.

Rivers

2011-11-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

just came back from a short camp at chenderiang, perak.

went up-river wading.

it was bloody mind-blowingly fantastic.

went up against the currents just after a heavy downpour...

gallons of water, coming full force at you, under currents dragging you down, currents sweeping you off your feet, rapids racing over rocks, unstable footing every step of the way...

conquered the full force of the river coming down through a two-metre wide gap between two boulders... with some much needed help. someone almost got swept away, had to help hold on to them and pull them up :D

it was i.n.s.a.n.e.

throughout, i learned so much about the geological structure of rivers... and linked them to lessons we should learn in life...

before you conquer the sea, one must first conquer the river.

pools of love which overflow become a river of love that flows on and on.

still waters run deep. way deep.

to avoid the rapids of your life from sweeping you away, hold on to the rock beneath the rapids.

always get a secure hold on wherever you are before moving on.

life is like a river, forever moving, forever changing, relentless, but as the river swells and subsides, so does life.

This Morning I Saw

2011-10-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

This morning i saw the street sweeper,
sweeping the rubbish,
along the busy road,
as i passed by in my car,
with the air conditioning on,
the windows up,
the radio playing,
as i drove on to work,
in a comfortable office,
at a desk.

This morning i saw the scrap collector,
lugging her haul on the back of her bicycle,
on the way to the scrap-yard,
to try to scrape together a few ringgit,
to feed her family,
as i ate my breakfast,
in a nice restaurant,
where i was taxed,
for the service.

This morning i saw the town gardener,
tending to the bushes,
which line our roads,
and beautify our town,
as i finished my snack,
and wanted to throw away the wrapper,
by simply littering,
but had second thoughts,
and looked around for a rubbish bin instead.

This morning i saw the night guard,
grumpy and tired,
staring listlessly,
finishing his shift,
as i set about my day,
fresh from a good night's sleep.

This morning i was conflicted,
as to what was wrong with our world,
where we are taught to love,
to be kind and giving,
why is no one kind to these people,
who are just like you and me,
but for their place in society,
do we shun,
base on smarts and capability,
which are pretty moot,
if not used for a cause greater than ourselves.

The rich can afford to worry about the trivial,
which is just what it is- trivial.
if what one thinks about defines one,
then trivial are those who mind the trivial.
the less privileged go about their business,
day to day.
what would they do should their places trade for a spell,
and i wonder too about me.

2011-10-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

Would it dear sir,
placate or sting,
that your toil became the herald,
of thine demise to the masses bring?

- In memory of Steve Jobs. who was a great businessman and entrepreneur. whether or not we liked his products.

A limerick (for drunkards)

2011-10-04T00:38:00.003-07:00

A limerick (for drunkards):
1 + 1 = 2,
"1" is me and "2" is you,
as of now this much is true,
I am half as drunk as you!
=D

- August 19 at 3:34pm

A limerick (for drunkards)

2011-10-04T00:38:00.001-07:00

A limerick (for drunkards):
1 + 1 = 2,
"1" is me and "2" is you,
as of now this much is true,
I am half as drunk as you!
=D

- August 19 at 3:34pm

Da 2011

2011-10-04T00:36:00.001-07:00

Just one last night with you,
one more that you would stay,
before off again you flew,
so we danced the night away. ♥

- August 24 at 8:54am

The Broken Ballerina

2011-10-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

The broken ballerina
Now lies at the bottom of the chest
Arms and legs askew
Her tune no more to play.
Once full of grace,
A pretty face,
Now dirtied and distorted and out of place.

The broken ballerina,
Had once danced to great applause,
Had once danced to great delight.
Once dreamed of dance of greater cause,
Once dreamed of stages of gossamer light.

Who once across the stage she'd flown,
Now no longer takes steps her own.
Who once was held in high regard,
Now lain aside in coarse discard.

The broken ballerina,
Once so magnificent to behold,
Unparalleled in grace and beauty so bold,
Ethereal were the worlds she created,
But to linger in them it wasn't fated.

The broken ballerina,
Dreams and passions torn asunder,
As dance as she could, she can no longer.
Though limbs and body are now apart,
The greatest loss is her broken heart.

Footnote: feedback/ your interpretation is greatly appreciated :D

Ooh, Revelation!

2011-10-03T01:37:00.000-07:00

i am beginning to think that maybe God made us differently with different wants and different needs and different abilities and different concerns and different levels of determination and different gauges of caring/ empathy/ sympathy and different degrees of aloofness and different ambitions and different perceptions and different perspectives and different levels of satisfaction and different levels of self-confidence and different gauges of happiness.

i am dumbfounded as to why.

i mean i can hazard a guess... maybe to make the world more diverse and interesting? for Himself and for us?

other than that, it baffles me as to why He would bless some with great fortune and others with naught. i thought that He was supposed to love us equally. No? or maybe His definition of equality and ours are not the same, and we must bend to His will, and accept His definition. then shall i just stand idly by and watch suffering as He does? or help? but what if it is not their fate that they receive help? which is the test, and what will i be judged by? (okay, too deep. i know. yuck.)

what's essentially on my mind is why some people can be complacent with their lot in lives, whilst same others can't. and where i stand in it all.

what drives one to improve oneself? is there ever an end-point? i believe not. then is happiness really the ultimate goal? of self-fulfillment? or reaching a point where you can lay content?

Identity Crisis

2011-09-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

well. i never thought i'd see the day when i used this phrase. but-

i'm currently feeling so emotionally divided, or in Harry Potter terms, splinched, that i can't even write proper poetry right now. believe me, i've been trying to use poetry as a medium to channel my frustrations. but to no avail.

and i'm so confused right now. i don't recognise myself, and i'm not saying if that's good or bad, but it's REALLY scary.

it's like, i'm not who i used to be, and i'm not what i want to be. there's nothing upon which i can base myself on that is familiar to me, i'm not fitting into any persona that i expected myself to be. and that is what's scaring me the most- i'm not fulfilling my own expectations, so in a way i'm disappointing myself. and i'm terrified and totally averted to disappointment. and i hate it. and that the very thing contributing to it is myself simply confounds me.

what should i do?????

oh, and i can't for the life of me figure out who is viewing this blog all the way from ICELAND. oh, you're on my feedjit, i can see you, yeah, don't deny it... if i know you please say hi, there's nothing like reconnecting with old friends... if i don't, would you mind giving an introduction? especially pertaining as to why you read this blog of mine of all things?

Reality Calling

2011-09-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

i am feeling so terribly SELF DESTRUCTIVE right now.

reality just called. and it wasn't pretty.

you know how we were taught to dream, and that we can do anything we want, and that we should strive to achieve our dreams?

Reality: "Oh, that's just a truck load of bullshit, didn't you get the memo?"
without even a cursory "i'm sorry" thrown in there.

because the reality is that we are living our dreams- and we are about to get a rude awakening.

life so far, for me if not for you, has been a life provided to me by my parents. by their effort, by their hard work, by their enterprises.

and here's the reality: Life is not like that. we, at some point, need to achieve things from our own efforts. that means getting a job, no more spending without a second thought, managing your own expenses, making your own choices, regulating your own lifestyle and facing the harsh realities without something to fall back on.

i am of course speaking from my perspective. should you be lucky enough to be the offspring of people who can afford to set up a trust fund for you, or bestow a sizeable sum to you as inheritance or something equivalent to that, or somehow leave behind a steady means of income thereby relieving you of the distress of having to find a means of supporting yourself, it would come as no surprise should you not relate to where i'm coming from.

nonetheless, my reality is that i will enter the work force earning minimal wage, being stuck in a job maybe without prospects or maybe one that i will hate, always striving for my ideals, never knowing whether or not i will ever achieve them, while whatever i earn will go to scraping by for the basic necessities and supporting my parents.

the whole illusion of earning high salaries and soaring through the ranks getting promotion after promotion is now in pieces around me. it is not that i am discounting my own abilities. but the numbers. the market, the economy speaks for itself. and also the realisation that with more salary comes more responsibilities. so there goes my dream of owning a place i call home that i acquired by myself, fashioned to my specific tastes, there goes my dream of having an excess of monetary resources that i just have to give as excessively to charity, there goes my dream of globetrotting without a care in the world, there goes blissful ignorance, there goes not having to worry about anything except my petty insecurities, there goes my stay in Neverland (checkout time is at Responsibility O'clock, we hope you've enjoyed your stay. We will never be seeing you again, have a nice life. =D)

so i will admit that my contention is partly due to reservations about taking on more responsibility, but i resent that i have to take on so much. well, look who's talking like a spoilt child. i blame it on an improperly fulfilled childhood.

i suppose once it gets through my thick skull that i'm not as unfortunate as i think i am, and that life has been pretty good to me and that i should pay my dues, i'll see things in a different light. but the dreams and expectations will forever be there, prevailing in the echoes of my mind... oh look at me being dramatic... but true.

maybe life has been too good and i am unwilling to let go of it.

oh to have the luxury to question life and judge society whilst i lounge in my study on a breezy afternoon enjoying tea.

like Oscar Wilde and CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien and the famous authors who could afford to write because they had the money to fund their whimsical lifestyles of pursuing the arts.

fuck life fuck happiness fuck society fuck expectations fuck limitations fuck age fuck years fuck needs and wants fuck reality fuck ideals fuck dreams

just fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckit

Fly, Little One, Fly

2011-09-08T17:53:00.001-07:00

As the setting sun casts its last rays into the evening sky,
you burst after it, fly, little one, fly.

As the waves break upon the sand and the seagulls cry,
you leap to join them, fly, little one, fly.

As the fishermen haul in their catch and lay their nets to dry,
you surge forward and upward, fly, little one, fly.

As the day grows dim and the stars draw nigh,
the wind gently guides you and says, fly, little one, fly.

Chip Away At My Heart Of Stone

2011-08-26T01:44:00.001-07:00

Chip away at my heart of stone,

Lain deep within my flesh and bone.

Unyielding or brittle as it may be,

Until a bloody red you see.

-JOriginal. 25/08/10

Switching Back to Me

2011-07-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

so for the past year or so i've been feeling very discontented and morbid despite all the wonderful things going on in my life. most would say that i was being incredibly ungrateful and unappreciative- but to me, happiness is subjective, and when one feels happy, satisfaction and gratitude won't be far behind.

but the cause for my personal discontent was due to a feeling of abandonment and hunger for the comfort of the familiar, the level of sharing between friends that only years of camaraderie can foster. so when 80% of my closest friends, the people with whom i somehow managed to connect with on a very different level, the people with whom i found an eerie compatibility with, departed yet again to the dreaded places with names that begin with the letter "U", i felt a very large, very uniquely shaped void in my life.

now psychologists would tell you that according to the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, certain needs need to be fulfilled, certain goals need to be achieved, certain desires need to be gratified, before you can feel satisfied and achieve a higher level of success, of fulfill a higher class of needs.

now, i had once tasted all the levels, if i may say so myself. not to a very large degree, but my toe was definitely in that pool for a bit, up till the highest level. (Check it out to see what i'm talking about.) And that was because i had achieved, or well, was in the luxury of being provided with the basic needs, and had the pleasure of being exposed to the higher levels as well. now that is all very fine and dandy, me having achieved the higher class of our humanistic requirements. but i was visibly (strictly metaphorically speaking, of course) shaken when i lost one of the MIDDLE levels- the one labelled "Love/Belonging" when my main source that provided me with the love and belonging i needed left me stranded and alone. now, you may question why i didn't appreciate still having my family and other people in my life. there is a certain level of intimacy you share with your friends, your peers, that allows you to connect and bring out a side of you that you usually would not allow to be seen, and that is the side that truly makes you happy. so i was sorely missing that aspect of my life.

so for the last 9 months (or more), i was left dazed and wandering alone in the big scary world, to pretty much fend for myself, to tend to my own emotional needs, to grapple with my own bipolar demons, without the love and support of people with whom i could relate and who could relate to me... and let me tell you, being alone in your head with exaggerated, baseless, hyperbolic fears and insecurities, without the reassuring comfort and the logical and emphatic dismissal of your thoughts by your friends who know you best, is a very nasty place to be. for me, that was limbo- empty, meaningless, endless.

now let me just make it clear that i did not in any way strive to distance myself from society, or close myself off to new possibilities, or stop trying in any way. i made an effort to make new friends, i strove to find things in common with them, i kept an open mind to everything around me (because i had already learned the traits "lack of prejudice" and "acceptance of facts" seated in the highest level of the hierarchy). but nothing came close, or seemed to compare... was i setting my sights too high? were expectations and mindsets acting as barriers to me finding new friends? i didn't think so, but we definitely lacked the level of intimacy and depth i once had with my old friends. in a sense, they had ruined the world for me by being so amazing and then leaving me all alone. and i couldn't blame them for that, but that doesn't mean that i did not mourn the fact.

then i tried other avenues to distract myself, to substitute the satisfaction derived from a well-seasoned, mature friendship. i engrossed myself in outdoor activities, sought the unconditional love a child provides, took on numerous assignments, widened my social circle so as to meet so many more new people that i could forget about the old ones i loved, participated in any and all sorts of activities in an effort to drown out the sweetest of memories i had with bold new experiences. but each and every one fell short. my life has been one which society would deem very much full and should provide much satisfaction to the average layman. however, i do not derive any amount of pleasure whatsoever from rubbing shoulders with celebrities, having a large network of people i barely know or having a whole arsenal of activities in which i participated to list on my CV (the activities do provide oodles of fun, i do not deny that :D). i have simple needs which nestle quietly on the third level of the hierarchy. i merely yearn for the companionship of people with whom i could connect with, share with, explore life with. and in time learn more about them and they learn about me and we can bring out the best in each other.

search as i might, nothing could fill the void. new friends are fine, but the history i had with old friends is indisputably irreplaceable.

but now, my friends are back, for the briefest of spells, but back nonetheless. hopefully it would be sufficient to let me regain the joy i had when we were once together, to satisfy my third level need, and then maybe i can learn to appreciate life again. because looking back now, i think that i disregarded all the good things happening to me because i had lost a "satisfied need". and i was attempting to fulfill it, and it's absence was obscuring me from seeing the good in my life.

the hard candy, however sweet, is nothing without it's chewy center. i need my chewy center. it fills me, supports me internally, and is the element that adds the surprise, joy and sparkle to everything that i do.

this post is dedicated to those who are my chewy center. <3 =D

And They Will Never Know The Love We Share

2011-07-07T17:05:00.000-07:00

i am rendered speechless by the impact one little dinner with long-lost friends can have on me.

it is simply amazing how just by hanging out for a measly 3 hours, with the people that you know and love, and who know you and love you, you can feel infinitely revitalised- as if every neuron, nerve and fibre of your being is being brought to life, as if every single part of you exists, and is recognised. it is orgasmically refreshing, to be part of a 5-way endless conversation, in which you telepathically know what they next person will say, can say or is going to say, or how you totally and completely get whatever slight innuendo implied right off the cuff, without hesitating even for a second as to consider to what they might be implying, because it is the very same thing you were thinking too.

how long was i stuck in a rut, and i couldn't do anything about it. i tried climbing out, but to no avail...

and just by seeing fck and lucy for a few hours, i feel totally validated- it's as if somehow, magically, fantastically, their mere presence fills a void in our little group.... i did not realise how much i have missed these two sluts. especially since they do not appear on facebook or any online media whatsoever by which i can check up on them....

if you love me, why do you play with my heart so? why do you rip it out, only to bring it back for a season, letting me taste the beauty of life, before taking it with you again as you go?

Everyday

2011-06-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

{meh, i can't link the video. wth?!?! just click here, i guess....}

The lyrics of this song strike a chord within me. especially right now. it's basically kinda what i've been doing all this while? i think so... anyway. it's an awesome song, by an awesome band- my personal favourite- Bon Jovi. =D

Everyday- Bon Jovi
I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd never let you look inside
I'd smile when I was crying
I had nothing but a life to loose
Thought I had a lot to prove
In my life, there's no denying

Goodbye to all my yesterdays
Goodbye, so long, I'm on my way

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

Change, everybody's feeling strange
Never gonna be the same
Makes you wonder how the world keeps turning
Life, learning how to live my life
Learning how to pick my fights
Take my shots while I'm still burning

Goodbye to all those rainy nights
Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday
Hit the gas, take the wheel
I've just made myself a deal

There ain't nothing gonna get in my way
Everyday

Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

I, oh I, oh I, I'm gonna live my life everyday
I (gonna touch the sky), oh I (spread these wings and fly), oh I
I'm gonna live my life everyday

A Short Insight Into Myself

2011-06-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

Name: JOanna252
Date: Monday 27th 2011f June 2011 02:11:13 AM
Colorgenics Number: 2/3/4/7/1/0/5/6/

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them.

(all this basically spells out "over-achieving anal bitch who'll never be satisfied" to me. i don't like that.)

Inside My Head

2011-06-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

is a terrible, horrible place to be. =(

Into The Fold

2011-06-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

Life.
Life-
Life is moving at a breakneck speed.
Events and experiences, coming and going, like information transferred on internet servers.
i have a life i live through me.
i have a life i live through you.

multi. faceted. multiple. lives.
round and round it goes.
we are the clay on the potter's spinner.
where the potter is time, and we are setting.
and the spinning doesn't stop.
round. and round. and round. and round.
the wheel of life goes.

one moment a bowl, the next a vase and then a pot.
a metamorphosis greater than any.

what is the best form the clay must take,
to let it's beauty show?
would the best of it be brilliant and bright?
or the worst of it be dull and dusty?

would it keep it's core nature?
or be burnt into something better?

certain clays must be kept the way they are
as they are desired for their natural qualities.
yet other clays turn out beautiful
after moulding and baking.

it is still spinning on the wheel.

once insignificant dirt from the earth,
now valued for what it will be.

from outcast, now brought into the fold.

Hello Good Friend Of Mine

2011-05-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

hello good friend of mine.
how have you been?
what has life revealed to you,
since that day we parted ways?

my road was lonely and strange without you,
for along our journeys together,
i had grown used to having you by my side.
now, like the roads, our lives converge again,
you are at once familiar and foreign to me.

hello good friend of mine,
i am no longer the comrade you once knew.
life has left her mark on me, and still it grows.
as we reminisce and exchange words,
there lingers an emptiness in the air.
but yet, let us enjoy this fleeting moment as we pause on our journeys, for we know that soon we must part ways,
as your path is not my path,
as neither is mine, yours.

hello good friend of mine,
as the dawn breaks, so must we.
i cherish these last few moments we have together,
before i once again embark on life's journey alone,
i may meet weary travellers such as myself,
but not one kindred spirit such as thee.

farewell good friend of mine,
till destiny calls us together again.

No One Will Hear My Side Of The Story

2011-04-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

as i was telling eu chern, i'm changing. i've changed somewhat-- now i'm just waiting to see to what extent.

to those of you who consider themselves good friends of mine and still read this blog, good for you then, you have received the memo. (this is the memo.)

i suppose, it's life, i guess. i mean, in high school i held on to the ideal that things between me and my closest friends wouldn't change. but reality proves me wrong over and over again. i'm tired of fighting the inevitable.... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. so i just gotta sit back and learn to accept things.

we're getting out of touch with each other, but that can't be helped, seeing as we're leading separate lives... but since no one seems to be making the effort to keep in touch, there's nothing i can do about it. it's not like i didn't try either. but when my efforts keep falling through, i learn from my mistakes, you know, no point ramming into a brick wall...

here's a song i found that sums up my feelings pretty nicely. if anyone cares to read it through, it's quite nice....

----------------------
My Side Of The Story- Hodges

A cold wind blows
I am shivering
My body aches, as my heart is breaking
Why is life, making me hollow
Why is happiness casting me in the shadows, in the shadows
Hold on, dont turn and walk away
Save me
And I cry these words, but nobody came
I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
And nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear
My side of the story

Emptiness its all around me, I try to catch my breath, barely surviving
I cant go on and I've come undone there's nothing left in me
Hold on, don't turn and walk away
Save me
And I cry these words, but nobody came
I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my burden to bear
And nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear

As I fall down, hold on
As I fall away
I cry these words and nobody came
I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only my burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear
My side of the story

------------------

i shouldn't wait if no one is coming. i'll just walk along. maybe i'll find someone to walk with. either way, i won't stay. in life, we're all alone anyways. friends are supposed to be the ones who choose to walk with you. if no one does, you can't make them.

i used to care. so much. about the people in my life. then reality grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me till i realised that no one else was caring that much. it didn't matter, if they were there, i would still care for them. now no one's left. so i just have to learn to care for new people, who come into my life. it'll never be the same though.

why doesn't anyone get this? i feel so alone.

it hurts when you realise you're not as important to anyone else. (i guess now i should learn to appreciate my parents more.... sigh)

2011-04-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

it's a terrible thing to close yourself off from oneself

Overthinking?

2011-04-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

"woe is he who has fulfilled his dreams"

this statement speaks volumes does it not?

it could be saying:

1. he who has fulfilled his dreams has no more dreams to dream about, nothing to look forward to.

2. he has seen the harsh reality that dreams do not live up to our expectations.

3. the magic of imagination, dreaming, hope and anticipation has left his life.

4. maybe the maintaining of said achieved dreams is not worth it. (then again maybe the dream IS to maintain something.)

okay, i'm just rambling. but i feel this statement is a metaphor for dreams and reality, imagination and reality, expectations and reality... a metaphor for losing the finish line you have been running towards because you have now passed it, and realising that the running towards the goal was what made you feel alive, so much more so than being at the end.

do i overthink things too much? is that a bad thing? then again i always can't help wondering how people can NOT think about these things- how they can be so contented in their ignorance, what is bliss if you know not what is anguish? are they so weak, so afraid, so cowardly as to shun anything that could hurt them, avoid the unpleasant side of life, and pretend, seeing only what they choose to see? is that what is means to CHOOSE happiness? to CHOOSE not to be unhappy? whatever happened to being happy because you have experienced despair? emerging triumphant after a tribulation? are we now just going to be satisfied by taking the shortcut- just ignoring the pain that we could be exposed to, and CHOOSE to be happy? that is the way is see it.

what is reality?

Don't Go Hatin' On Me

2011-03-19T02:20:00.001-07:00

heh heh, i know you guys have seen the last post which pretty much sounds like i'm ditching old friends... if any one takes offense at that, please feel free to voice out your comments =P (even though that's not what i'm trying to say, i know it just sometimes comes out a bit harsher than expected)

by the way, a thought struck me yesterday:

my course is like bad sex which somehow leads up to orgasmic orgasms.

hmm, of course all this is based on hearsay of what sex and orgasms are like. just in case any one gets the wrong idea.

and oh, i'm referring to the crap we have to endure throughout our semesters- the tests and assignments, and the euphoria experienced after each one.... so it's pretty much like we have multiple orgasms in a semester. LOL.

It Ain't So Bad

2011-03-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

just dropped by cher's blog, and yingH's, and jingH's, because i was updating and they still have relatively active blogspots.

anyways i realised that i'm lucky to have found good friends in uni, and not have had to have gone overseas or live away from home just for uni.

i mean, just today i had lunch with friends i hang out with not because we just had the same class and are going for the next class together, or i hang with just because they're in my course, or they're old friends i used to know and with whom i eat lunch with just for the company.... no. today i had lunch with people i hang with because we have tons in common, get each other's jokes, and although do not share identical backgrounds and lifestyles, somehow find listening to each other's random ramblings interesting and want to know more.

i mean, today, at lunch, we were laughing our heads off at an overly-sweet drink. before any of the sugar could have an effect on us. we dissed stuff we had mutual distaste for, and digressing, brought up random topics remotely related to the current topic.

it was not to say a lunch to remember, but it was a lunch i cherish. because these lunches nowadays are too few and far between. i mean, they only happen once every two days.

but yeah, i may grumble that all my close friends are overseas and not with me, and be jealous that they get to go experience different cultures and lifestyles, so every so often i need a little reminder of how lucky i actually am. to be stuck here in this beautiful country. filled with its funny politics and lousy education system, which in the end doesn't really make a big difference.

i love the nature and the lifestyle of the people here. and if the good people would stop running off to "greener pastures" maybe we could actually make a change for the better together here.

malaysia is a geographically wonderful place to live, did i mention that?

but yeah, not to say that i have replaced anyone, but just that i have found new friends who will make life without old friends more tolerable... fun, even. i shouldn't feel guilty about this- so i shan't. after all, it was everybody's choice to pursue their own dream. and i think that i have to let go somewhat, to make room for new things. my resolution: stop making such a huge effort to keep in touch with old friends, and stop beating myself up if i don't have the time to- it's not healthy. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. i mean, cher has a point, we can't just keep going back to yesteryears to remain close. what brought us close together was our shared experiences. and now if we don't have that, we have to find new people to share our lives with.

oh, my coursemates are a blast too. hehheh.

Really? Honestly?

2011-03-15T01:59:00.000-07:00

ah crap. i just pretty much got rejected for the first place i applied to for industrial placement. except that the nice man on the phone didn't put it in those exact words- something more along the lines of "we haven't sent you the letter of declination or something or other yet, that means we haven't rejected you. but we have filled our quota, please do keep in touch for any possible openings..."

hah. i see they place a lot of emphasis on their PR over there, to say the least.

ah well, now i have to go work on getting a placement somewhere else, or else i'll be free for the rest of the year, i think, if the university allows us to take long semesters off.

is it really worth it to undergo this kind of stress and worry over MORE stress and worry? honestly? my answer would be no. i'm only doing it because everybody else is doing it. =\

Change Insecurity

2011-03-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

phew, check out the long previous post. initially i intended to blog this post, but it had to come out somewhere, i suppose.

so yeah, i hate it when i'm sick and all my worst insecurities surfaced and kinda consume me. especially when the pain becomes somewhat unbearable. jumping always seems like such a merciful and quick option. if my body wasn't already exhausted and dizziness preventing me from making it all the way there it would become very much more real.

it's like, all my past regrets or embarrassments or anything i don't feel particularly content with about myself are all i can think about. and then i go and start making up bad stuff to think about myself. i realise the absurdity of it throughout the entire process, but i still can't help it.

it's just very disturbing to be sick AND depressed at the same time. =(

and then sometimes you lose track of what's real or happening, and you just come up with stories. and i lose the sense of myself. bad.

anyways, i think i'm being conditioned to fit into society more and more. not a good thing- society is fake and ugly. what with all it's airs and civilities and pretenses. i don't care if you ask me "how do you do" if you don't mean it. i'd rather someone told me they hated my shirt or something as long as they meant it.

the business world is fake. what with selling image and making money and whatnot.

anyways, i think i'll try this whole "changing" fad. it sounds to me like it could be fun. nah, don't worry, if i ever grow old and outgrow that phase i'll change back and be a wise old woman.

I'll Grow Up When I Want To

2011-02-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

so no emo posts this year.

i don't even know if anyone remembers.

i know of three though, who have already wished me, early. =)

but i'm not really caring this year.

i knew i'd feel like this. (when i was planning last year's one. that's why the picnic was such a big thing for me. but no one got that. =\)

i don't even know if i'm going to get to celebrate or not this year....

and i don't really care.

i guess i'll celebrate when it feels right.

i'll grow up when i want to, not before.

Now Onto The Next Dream

2011-02-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

well, kudos to me for fulfilling one of my dreams. i have now officially been an instructor at the camp that has played such a big part of my life- this has shown me that yes, dreams CAN come true! i've had that dream since i was... 13? and it happened only 6 years later... hahaha....

so now onto my next dream/ goall/ ambition:

you know how we always see people on TV or even tourists going around backpacking and stuff? if i told you that's what i wanted to do, you might think that i'm just being influenced by the western culture or what i see on TV. i've had my doubts too.

but just recently i've decided that touring just won't cut it for me. our world is filled with different cultures. therein lies its beauty. the diversity that has branched out from a single species is so vast that it's hard to wrap one's mind around it. like the incas who lived up in the mountains in peru (or so i think, lazy to google), the nomadic tribes of china, to the colourful traditions of the Spaniards, the intricate choreography of French meals, the fast lives of the rich and famous in vegas - all these differ so much from each other. it's like- amazing.

oh to just be able to be among them for the atmosphere. of course i'm not saying that's what i want to do- the nomadic tribes probably wouldn't welcome a stranger in their midst, the incas are practically if not already extinct (only some of their culture remains) and i can't afford Vegas- these are merely some of the things that spark my interest.

more specifically i'd like to visit the mediterranean countries, where there's gorgeous weather and food and hospitality, and all of europe, and delve into their sub-cultures, and the other parts of europe less heard of, like ukraine, poland and all that, america of course, Japan, China, Korea(?) but all this not before conquering our own little corner of the world- South East Asia.

you might be wondering how i plan to support myself through all this? hopefully there are kind souls out there who would spare a few baht/ yen/ pesos/ renminbi/ dollars/ euro/ pounds in exchange for odd jobs.

of course this would mean for-going the chance to work and earn money. but is that really my dream- or the dream society has conditioned me to have? so many people walk around living out society's dreams- never realising their own. marriage and family and relationships are society telling us what to do. it also stems from our instinct to reproduce and leave a legacy behind in our children. i'm not saying that i don't want to, but not just yet.

back to my dream- travelling and learning about other cultures by immersing myself in them is and always has been a dream of mine that i had never realised. it had always stopped short at just "travelling". then i had to consider my reasons for wanting to do so- why spend money on something so fleeting? just for a few photos? seeing the sights? i want to know the people behind the sights.

it's not something that the media has influenced me to want. for a long time now i've been fascinated by what drives people to do what they do. different cultures have different norms dictating how they conduct themselves. nothing is ever what it seems to be. i'd wanted to start another blog with hard-hitting commentary of my observations on life, but it has been 3-years delayed now. haha.

so now i'm putting this out in the open. i'm afraid of jinxing it, but really, the only thing stopping me is myself. i shall wait to finish this degree, maybe work to earn the capital, hopefully that won't sidetrack me, and then set off on adventure. haha. =)

FINGERS-CROSSED.

Probably Yeah

2011-01-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

Oooh ooh! i think i know what one of my issues are-

i notice that so many peopla are changing, and i'm feeling left behind, even though i am changing as well. perhaps noticing other people changing is accelerating my process as well. (but change is due, i've been stuck in a rut for awhile now.)

and sometimes i feel that its not so much that other people are changing, it's that they're revealing/ i'm discovering parts of them that i once didn't know about. ah, you learn something new everyday, don't you?

and then sometimes i feel so discontented that other people are so much more interesting, while i feel so dull sitting here.

It Is A Time For Redefining Friendships

2011-01-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

"Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone."
- Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927)

calm down if you think this title is in any way implying that i want to dump old friends for newer and better models, or change social circles in general...

no.

it's just that at this point of time, we should take a step back to reflect and examine what the people in our lives mean to us. i mean, i realise that most people would not appreciate this exercise, nor would they execute it, some would even condemn such a thing and deem it useless and unnecessary.

i have just come to a point in life where those who i hold near and dear to me are far away, each living their own lives. so what exactly holds us together now? our past? our trust we have developed in each other? i suppose that those are valid enough reasons to maintain a friendship, but it fades in comparison when i reminisce of times gone by, when we made friends and kept friends and grew as friends based on common interests and similar personalities.

i used to have this theory that people do not change, not really, not deep down inside. that there is a raw unpolished part in people that is revealed to the world during childhood. and as they grow, they develop personalities which hide and suppress it.

i would love to say that i still support my theory, and were i to be in a more logical and objective mindset i probably would stand by my theory. but as such, the circumstances serve to deem me wrong.

you see, i observe that as time goes by, people change- i changed. in subtle ways, unconsciously. the most superficial of which would be adapting to a better lifestyle, getting a wider social circle or even developing new tastes for food once best avoided. but on a deeper level, i have noticed changes too- i feel more inclined to express myself through the medium of fashion, and much less verbally. i have become less open to different experiences when there was once a time where i would have jumped at any opportunity no matter how foreign it was to me. i now evaluate and examine every move i make and compare it to similar situations i have encountered.

i suppose that these changes are inevitable as one grows and experiences new things. most even consider it to be a good thing. but it scares me, because i now do not know who i have become. i was once very much aware of who i was, and didn't very much care. it is a fine thing to be comfortable enough in just being you, something which i notice some people prevent themselves from experiencing. and i used to judge people, but i realise now that my judging is more of an instinct, and i judge people as i would a movie or a literary piece. it holds no prejudice against the person in question, although sometimes my judgement will be the default opinion of that person, until they prove me wrong, which i always look forward to very much.

so as i was saying, we now have grown and changed in our own ways. personally, it has been four years since i have been in school together with my comrades. and it was nay easy a time for us when we left each other's company, as each had to grapple with finding themselves again. i find it surprising that most others do not have the same issues. i assume that they are very comfortable in any situation, or that ignorance is bliss. the latter of which has been proven to be true time and time again.

so where do we go from here? the people we made friends with four years ago made friends with the person we were four years ago. are we still friends for the same reason? what still keeps us together? diverging interests, lifestyles and experiences now serve as walls between us. or should we revert back to our high school selves every time we are around them? would that not be perverted?

i do suppose that there is a beauty in helping each other grow as we grow as well, albeit in our own very distinctive ways. but that is my point exactly- can we be friends just for fun, as well as for personal development? hell, can we be friends just for fun, period? personal development follows naturally anywhere, anytime.

i miss the fun times. =\

I was hoping you would call me just so i could hear your voice

2011-01-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

i wasn’t even hoping- because you’re on a different continent! but you DID. you called, just to say hi? none of my FRIENDS call me even when they’re in town, let alone when they’re on a different continent! i never thought that you’d call, never expected it, YOU, of all people…

you made a wild dream come true. but it probably doesn’t hold the same value for you. it’s probably a couple of minits more being charged into your phone bill, isn’t it?

but still, that ranks really high in my books. and that’s good enough for me. hehe. you seem to be hitting home runs all over the place now, aren’t you?

OPYHC 2010

2010-12-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

OBYHCamp!!!! ZOMG!!!

okay, so i'm going to the camp i used to participate in in my teenage years, but this time as an INSTRUCTOR!!!

XD

basically it has been a childhood dream of mine to go back as an instructor, so you can guess how insanely mega huge this is- fulfilling a childhood dream.

i don't know about you, but i like to dream small and live big.

and even the smallest dreams take the longest time to achieve.

i have been trying to become an instructor for the past THREE years. because that's how long i've been eligible already.

XD XP

LOVES!!!

CAMP TOMORO MORNING
ARGHHH I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Ooooh, baby it's you

2010-11-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

you know what i find so amusingly interesting? it's that people still come to my blog.

i would like to know who you are. so that i can tell you i love you.

haha. because i have pretty much given up on this blog. yet you have not. and that means something to me.

my life has been pretty boring lately. working through some loneliness issues. i miss my friends, and i'm stopping myself from making new ones.

and there are unnecessary guy issues in my life too. but i'll get over them. it's not worth it.

leave your name! =D

Don't Want An Ending- Sam Tsui (Lyrics)

2010-09-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

the video's only been out for a little over 24 hours now, and here's my attempt at the lyrics. hope they're right!

(produceed by Kurt Schneider)
I don't wanna fall out,
but we're all out of time.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
in one day, no way you'll be mine.
(is this over) don't want an ending.

my heart is running on empty,
one more day and then we go.
and yeah the time goes on now,
don't ask me how, i don't know.
you'll be home tomorrow,
bout a thousand miles too far away.
say you won't forget and i'll be okay.

at least tonight,
it's just you and me and honestly
that's everything i need.

i don't wanna fall out, but we're all out of time.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
in one day, no way you'll be mine.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
tonight's a countdown, till the day we're not around.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
and you've gone, and we're on with our lives.
i don't want an ending, (is this over) no...
don't want an ending.

the days turn to hours,
and it's just a moment before they go.
i'm scared to say goodbye 'cos what's after that, i don't know.
and as the years slip past us,
if we lose track or lose the fight,
i will search forever to find a way back to tonight,
where it's just you and me and honestly
that's everything i need.

i don't wanna fall out, but we're all out of time.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
in one day, no way you'll be mine.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
tonight's a countdown, till the day we're not around.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
and you've gone, and we're on with our lives.
i don't want an ending. (is this over)

we say see you later,
but i know there's no way we're around here again.
yeah,
and every until next time, feels like one bad punchline,
and i don't want that again.

(x2)
i don't wanna fall out, but we're all out of time.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
one day, no way you'll be mine.
(is this over) don't want an ending.

tonight's a countdown, till the day we're not around.
(is this over) don't want an ending.
and you've gone, (you're gone) and we're on with our lives.
i don't want an ending. (is this over)

no...
i don't want an ending...
all out of time..
don't want an ending (x2)

One-Liners

2010-05-15T18:32:00.000-07:00

Awesome one liners i stumbled upon ;)

these made me laugh. :

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

No one is listening until you fart.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk.

A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.

Everything is edible, some things are only edible once. (LMAO)

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals.

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.

If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now.

Without ME, it's just AWESO.

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

I think, therefore I'm single. (<3)

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

Trust but verify.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

JUMP!

2010-05-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

over the past week i have been having an allergic reaction to i dunno what crap i accidentally ate. BOO.

somehow, that got me sick.

like headache, tummy ache, back ache and what not.

the worst part is the not-knowing-whats-wrong-with-you.

i have impulses to jump.

only great amounts of logic, reasoning, will and self-control have kept me sane.

when i was sick i almost jumped.

so i went to sleep to escape those thoughts and their power over me.

ATTN SALHS

2010-05-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

i shouldn't be blogging right now, because i still have like 90% of my materials to go through before my exam tomoro....

i don't even know why i got this sudden impulse to blog.... about plans for after the exams... =.= i'm usually a more live-for-the-moment type of girl...

anyways, SALHS, after our exams here's our to-do list:

1. IKEA for fun

2. TRAIN RIDE to ipoh? hat yai?

3. MID VALLEY. just cos its OUR MALL ;)

4. KLCC BRIDGE!!! omg, we can go, because it will totally be a non-holiday, and no one will fight with us!!!

5. TOY STORY 3, DIARY OF A WIMPY KID. you owe me toy stories 1 & 2 in 3D =(

Not That Nothing's Been Happening

2010-04-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

it's just that nothing MAJOR has been happening...

so today is the last day of classes for this semester... as i posted on FB, "the last day of the semester brings bittersweetness, as well as a cocktail of fear and panic".

so far my coursework marks have been better than expected. though not up to my usual expectations, i guess =\. such is always the case is it not? sigh.

i dare not attribute my improved performance this semester to the fact that my social gallivanting has been reduced to a bare minimum.

however i DID manage to visit sabah on a certain debate excursion! XD THAT was an unforgettable experience to say the least. and the friendships formed were interesting.

i finally began to experience more of what i thought year one would be like. with random outings with coursemates and whatnot. as opposed to the socially-starved uni life i have been experiencing over my past two semesters.... yes it took THIS long for us to get properly comfortable with each other, so much so that we are close enough to drag each other along on random whims and fancies without feeling guilty or awkward.

this is what i feel defines the university experience. meeting people who share similar interests, and who are able to somewhat connect with you better than the average person would.

i am getting surer and surer of the suitability of my course for me, which is saying something as i'd never even heard of the profession prior to registration.

as for working... i helped out a couple of times at parties... but opportunity to do it again hasn't really risen. besides, i feel that part-timing as a babysitter is much better, and i much prefer it... and it is really paying off. i love the kids, and its safe to say that the kids adore me too. there really is nothing as satisfying as that. now, i can die contented that i have achieved something in life. yes, i do not have high expectations. mine really are pure and simple and most satisfactory to achieve. ^.^

recently on FB posts have been circulating concerning a certain race's perception that they are so much better than other races. it is utterly disgraceful. and i can hardly be proud to say that i am part of such a country. however, if it weren't for the food, the weather, the geographical features and the culture here, i would be gone in two shakes of a lamb's tail. personally, based on what i see on TV, asia really has the best variety of food. and a lot of it is available here. heh heh heh. and the beaches and mountains here are better for the sole reason that they are warm all year long. WOOTS.

tomorrow i'm going to try to meet up with jyll. hopefully i can get to tropicana city mall early to catch a few movies... hehe. loving the new cinema there. SO much better than the ones in MV and One U...

No Sleep, No Sleep

2010-03-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

been busy as usual. haven't even got enough time to sleep!

well, so far i've been up to my waist with assignments and tests. no surprises there.

joined debate... in malay o.0

got number 2 out of four teams whee.

going to sabah for another one, national level punya, it sounds promising. :)

but gonna have to skip classes oh pooh.

part-timing as a helper for a neighbour who organises parties for kids woot. money. kids.

yeap thats it so far. uni is getting interesting. =)

GG is coming back yeah!

You're HOW Old?!?!

2010-02-24T06:56:00.000-08:00

due to popular demand....

I'M TURNING TWENTY AT MIDNIGHT!!!!

frap bang bang. that lollipops.

omg. at least i got a year to come to terms with the fact that i'm totally losing my childhood, i mean teenagehood...

i still haven't accepted that i'm 19. go figure. i FEEL 18... as in like we just got out of high school....

and since i acted and felt like i was 17 when i was 18... i guess that i feel like i'm still 17, get it?

sigh... my tea-party post pretty much sums up what i feel about leaving teenagehood....

no more rebelling. being emo. stone-ing. wasting my life. complaining. complaining about sitting for SPM. high school. friends. random outings. last-minute trips. sleepovers. cam-whoring. break-ups and make-ups. fashion and trends. style evolution. no more METAMORPHOSIS.

cos when you're old you're supposed to be stable bla bla know who you are bla bla discovered yourself bla blah BLAH.

you're supposed to "shoulder responsibility", and "take initiative"...

Didn't make sense not to live for fun.

sigh... and i don't know what i want to do with my life...

seriously.

should i?

i'm just gonna let it pass me by peacefully...

WHAT?!?!

whatever.

SAD

DEEP DEEP down, i'm DAMN sad.

but i have assignments on my mind. so i can't really entertain such feelings right now :(

damn distracting assignments.

It's Been Awhile

2010-01-31T21:37:00.000-08:00

haven't blogged since the year began ...

was feeling kinda emo that time has flown so fast...

i can't believe that its 2010 already... i'm still getting used to the fact that its (was) 2009...

and i still instinctively say that i'm 19.... well, it comes to mind as the age that i'm SUPPOSED to say... when in fact i still feel like i'm 17

uni's getting better... found some awesome people to just chill with, and we totally connect... reminds me of certain people with whom i spent my high school life with ;)

got things to fight for, or try to fight for... re-dabbling in debate ;)

got a couple of part-time jobs :p

jobs that i enjoy/almost love doing... and they pay well, and they're part-time.. so it totally works for me... and i can make them move around MY schedule... the best part....

yeap... so that's what's up in my life so far.. oh, staying at home and commuting to uni daily now... until a good offer for a room near campus crops up...

CNY break coming up.

it's just week 3 and already we have 4 assignments due... here we go again :(

Haagen Dazs Outing

2010-01-30T17:16:00.000-08:00

let the pictures do the talking....

(not bad for a VGA camera, eh?) ;p

reminiscent of a prior ice-cream outing too... :')

a random shot i've been meaning to put up...

(what a stupid sign =.=)

Of Childhood Dreams And Growing Up

2010-01-24T04:39:00.000-08:00

so i'm turning old on certain day in a certain month not too far away....

tis to be a SAD day =(

but in lieu of said SAD day,

i have decided to embrace the OCCASION (NOT the FACT, mind you)

and celebrate it with a ceremony,

symbolic of the fact that certain fantasies can turn into reality, but they would not be as imagined.

that games turn into real-life endeavours,

that if i have to face the fact, i might as well make the most of it.

that if i have to give up those games and fantasies, i might as well live them before i lose sight of them.

hence,

as i turn old, i would like to celebrate it with a Garden Tea Party.

something that represents a young child's desire to appear grown up, to be more mature than they are.

that, at one point, was me.

and my dreams were horribly crushed.

being grown up sucks lollipops.

i may be holding on to that dream, hoping that it will come true, hoping that being a grown up is as fun as when i thought it was as a kid...

maybe i'll turn into the grown up that kid wanted to be...

i don't know...

all i know is that i want my friends to be there with me...

playing pretend, and at the same time,

viciously, cruelly. being in a reality.

so maybe it will be classy, maybe it will be posh...

maybe innocent, reminiscent of a much, much simpler time....

i just want that dream back.

(if you hadn't yet figured it out. this is an invitation to my birthday party.

KLCC park, theme as in the pictures ;)

wear a NICE HAT, and DRESSY DAY attire

a saturday in february.

will keep you informed...

SAVE THE DATE

)

Revealing Me In The Now

2009-12-26T07:25:00.000-08:00

i took this test again, and DAMN ITS ACCURATE. this is TOTALLY how i'm feeling right now!!! advice???

(highlighting relevant points would be unnecessary as they are all relevant. btw i'm compensating by shopping :/ )

Name: JOanna
Date: 12/26/2009
Colorgenics Number: 57261043

You are feeling really miserable at this time and you'd like to form a relationship with someone with whom you could really communicate. At the same time, whoever it may be, that special 'someone' must not conflict with your own belief system or ideals. This makes for tough going - but it would seem that the situation is only transitory. It will soon pass.

You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.

You are very demanding - and insisting on total involvement but you do not reciprocate with the same depth of feeling. However, it could well be that maybe an unprecedented surprise is awaiting you in the near future. For just as one whilst paddling in the sea, could flounder into a whirlpool, so you may be drawn into a loving situation that has high emotional demands - and you could well respond with a depth of emotion that you never even dreamed that you possessed.

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification?

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves.

tell us how you did! http://colorgenicstest.com/

2010

2009-12-26T07:09:00.001-08:00

like it or not, a new year dawns upon us.... with the Christmas season barely out the door, i'm getting a headstart on my new year's post.

my prediction for 2010: it will suck.

2009 in retrospect:

i watched yay many movies:

1. Dark Floors – 3

2. They Wait – 8

3. Bride Wars – 6

4. Inkheart – 7

5. Valkyrie – 7

6. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – 8

7. Slumdag Millionaire – 7

8. Marley & Me – 6.5

9. Confessions of a Shopaholic – 6.5

10. He’s Just Not That Into You – 4.5 (point 5 cos Jennifer Aniston was in it)

11. Friday The Thirteenth – 3.5 (point 5 for good looking cast)

12. The Fast & The Furious 4 – 4 (point 5 for the cars)

13. Knowing – negative 5 (waste of money, never should have been made)

14. Star Trek – 9 (twice)

15. Paul Blart: Mall Cop – 7

16. Angels & Demons – 7.5

17. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – 7

18. I Love You, Man – 7

19. Monster vs. Aliens – 6.5

20. 17 Again – 7.5 (point 5 for Matthew Perry <3>

21. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – 9 (point 5 for Megan Fox)

22. Public Enemies – 9.5 (point 5 for Johnny Depp <3>

23. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – 7 (point 5 cos i like the books)

24. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – 8.5 (twice)

25. The Proposal – 5

26. Orphan – 8.5

27. I Love You Beth Cooper – 7

28. The Ugly Truth – 7 (point 5 cos Katherine Hiegl was in it)

29. Up – 7

30. The Time Traveller’s Wife – 6.5 (point 5 cos Rachel McAdams was pretty)

31. Jennifer’s Body – 7.5 (point 5 for Megan Fox)

32. This Is It – 9

33. New Moon – 5

34. 2012 – 8

35. Mulan – 8.5

36. Avatar – 9.5 (twice)

yeah... a lot of movies ;) ratings are upon 10... some i watched alone, some with company... i hope i beat a certain someone's record :)

The Analysis Of: Avatar

2009-12-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

did anyone consider the fact that avatar is politically incorrect?

i mean, it's basically a story about white guys (the humans) trying to be black (the aliens, who are played by African-american actors, in addition to the fact that the aliens share facial bone structure to African tribal people)

so what are you trying to say, James Cameron? now that The Oppression is over and America has an African-american for a president, you think that being black is better than white? 'tis a far cry from MJ's opinion....

besides that, Avatar has the same plot as Pocahontas. Go figure.

i still LOVE LOVE LOVE the setting and effects tho.

Growing Up

2009-12-21T06:21:00.000-08:00

God, i get it now.

i won't be properly independent until i move out and get my own place.

and i won't get my own place until i can afford it on my own, and not have the constant awareness that i owe my parents the monthly rent...

it's like i feel as though either i do something my way the whole way, or not at all... it's like i won't settle for something lower than my expectations, in situations where i have control.

but i can't grow up in a place where i was a kid. and i can't keep playing house in a house that is not mine...

i want to jump, but i can't fly... not yet anyway, not properly...

stuck.

Room For Rent, Genting Klang, Setapak

2009-12-20T06:11:00.000-08:00

Notice:

Room for rent/ Room to let/ room available

Block 9, Level 3, Unit 10

Genting Court Condominium

Jalan Genting Klang

Setapak

near wangsa maju.

medium room

can fit 2 persons

3 house mates

RM 220/month

utility bills shared

move in date: anytime

facilities:

cooking stove, refrigerator, good wifi connection, non-furnished

food shops, stationery shops, grocery shops nearby.

bus stop just outside main entrance.

many buses available to UTAR and KTAR and Wangsa Maju LRT.

male or female house mates welcomed-

preferred Chinese

students preferred

contact: JOanne- 017 6527 835

AVATAR

2009-12-17T09:32:00.000-08:00

BEST-MOVIE-EVER.

GI Joe is nothing compared to this.... nor Transformers....

EVERYTHING WAS GLORIOUS.

the graphics, the effects, the PLOT, the STORYLINE, the SETTING....

WOW.

LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Foxy

2009-12-15T07:45:00.000-08:00

"The male fox will mate for life, and if the female dies, he remains single for the rest of his life. However, if the male dies, the female will hook up with a new mate."

Ah, to be a fox...

From "According To Jim"... (Jim talking to Cheryl, Cheryl's Jim's wife)

Jim dressed as Santa:" You know, I named one of my reindeer after you... Er... Foxy."

Cheryl:" You mean, Vixen?"

Jim:" Yeah, yeah...."

Found It

2009-12-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

check out this pic...

look familiar?

us in 2009...

AND

us in 2007...

somethings just don't change

The last Twilighter

2009-12-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

well, the last slut turned 19....

that makes all of us...

SAD.

because we're now all turning 20 soon. YUCK.

PS i like this shot, it looks really nice!

dinner was at sushi zanmai... it was ok. i dunno why its so popular anyway.

dessert was at Delicious... once a gain it disappointed me :(

the peach banana crumble Eu recommended wasn't all that good...
and the "chocolate" pavlova was just meringue and sugar... and chocolate FLAKES!

RIP OFF ARTIST!!!

the decor was the only thing that was nice...

then there were the mandatory cam whore shots....

golden tree...

PS da, how do i look in your top? ;)

URGH. 20.

Bonono 19

2009-12-06T00:51:00.000-08:00

this girl needs no introduction...

(but to all the katak-bawah-tempurungs out there, it's Amanda Bonono!!! :p and no, that's not her REAL name, i just don't like putting up people's full names.... )

she's 19 today... even on her time, right, da?

and that's a long call away from when we were 17... back in high school... ah those were the days...

this is us on graduation day :') memories... (she's so cute in this pic!)

friends since form 2....

and through it all, there were times when we excluded her...

and then there were the times when we had fun together...

(going for joyrides!!!)

and now she's 19... and that's almost a year younger than me. :( URGH.

GAWD i feel old.

enjoy your last TEEN year, like i think i have mine...

the worst part is that i can't be there with ya

but i'll let that go, cos you weren't with me for mine DX

and now i'm rambling, and getting emo cos everyone's getting OLD.

so welcome to the twilight year babe!

the old committee's moving on, it's time for new blood to come in...

bottomline: GO HAVE A KICKASS 19th YEAR IN THE US of A!!!

Disjointed

2009-12-01T09:16:00.001-08:00

check this out. freaking cool moves.

will i have to be the serena to your blair? i need a chuck.

LiYing & YingYing

2009-11-30T11:04:00.000-08:00

in response to the overwhelming requests and fan mail i received...

(as ying ying and liying requested)

can you see anything in this pic? spot the glow in the dark stuff. yes i'm a fanatic about glow in the dark stuff.....

better? to all the haters, this are my glow in the dark nail polishes... yes yes, i can hear the cynical

"if they're all glow in the dark, wouldn't they all be the same color?"

sigh, aren't they beautiful?

why, yes...but i like to collect them, and they're different colors in light... (the one in the far left is ying ying's)

can you see my nails? XD

and as for the hoodie i got recently....

me HEARTS army print!!!

Gingerbread Men

2009-11-30T10:52:00.000-08:00

here are some pics from my baking the other day...

GINGERBREAD MEN!!!

this one was HUGE, and yummy, like a real gingerbread man. broken off its head tho...

this one is classic...

and this one with my name on it is jumping for joy!

and... my personal favourite, the one with my signature on it! whee!

just like in stories!!!

Upper Body Strength

2009-11-27T22:12:00.000-08:00

i want upper body strength. so unfair that guys have more of it....

had My First Bouldering Experience yesterday! XD went with kaki and charles... had a loonng chat catching up. lol.

bouldering's fun, even more so when you can do it well.

now my arms are hurting little. though i wish they'd hurt more, 'cos then it'd mean that i worked out a lot.... but since i havent been working out lately, my arms are like, totally weak, and i couldn;t finish the routes i normally would have been able to.

i mean, i WANTED to do it. but my arms were shaking already before i could move. DAMMIT.

gotta build finger and arm strength before taking another go at it.

haha actually the pic above is of hard-core bouldering enthusiasts....

amateurs like me start off like this... and professionals train here too!

FUN song

2009-11-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

(Speaking Part)

Spongebob: It's not about winning, it's about fun!

Plankton: What's that?

Spongebob: Fun is when you...fun is...it' like...it's kinda...sorta like a...

What is fun?? HERE...Let me spell it for you!

Spongebob:

F is for Friends who do stuff together.

U is for You and me.

N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Sea Creatures:

Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton:

F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.

U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!

N is for No survivors when you're-

Spongebob:

Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about!

Now, do it like this,

F is for Friends who do stuff to-

Plankton:

Never! That's completely idiotic!

Spongebob:

Here, Let me help you...

F is for friends who do stuff together.

U is for You and me, TRY IT!

Plankton:

N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Sea Creatures:

Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton:

Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...

Should we stop?

Spongebob:

No! That's how you're supposed to feel!

Plankton:

Well I like it! Lets do it again!

Spongebob:

Okay!

Spongebob & Plankton:

F is for Frolic through all the flowers.

U is for Ukelele.

N is for Nose picking, chewing gum, and sand licking.

Here with my best buddy.

(Laughing part)

Sea Creatures:

Down in the deep blue sea.

LOL this song is so adorable. <3

I Want Chuck Bass

2009-11-19T13:11:00.000-08:00

can he get any hotter???

in the latest GG episode he once again proves how desirable he is as a man. *swoons*

and has anyone noticed how fickle nate is? its like he starts falling for whichever girl he is around at the moment =.=

btw i got this totally cool hoodie that is everything i think a hoodie should be :

thick, warm, big hood, loooong sleeves, pockets and funky at a bargain ;p

i feel like a shopaholic, and not just in the sense that i like to shop a lot.

5 In The Morning

2009-11-19T12:52:00.000-08:00

i am awake at 4.50 am malaysian time, and have been so since 2.30 am, when i woke up from my after-dinner nap. i have been doing my oral presentation report the whole night =.= going over and over it, adding points and elaborations for people who are either daft, lazy, or incompetent, but i care about and like hanging out with under normal, non-work circumstances. oh the paradox that is my life.

somehow i feel compelled to give my review of jennifer's body (don't worry, it's short):

it is a glorified horror-thriller-slapstick comedy about how hot megan fox is.

elaboration:

the movie has no challenging scenes for megan, and all she does is change outfits alot. oh, and she takes off her clothes alot too. and she seduces a few guys.

see my point?

and as if to emphasise their point, the producers included one scene in which, as if to reinforce the fact that megan fox is hot, have her swimming (apparently) naked in a seemingly fressing lake high in the mountains, and if that's not enough, steam rises from her body when she steps out of the lake.

don't go for the movie. go for megan fox. i'm not saying she can't act, maybe she can, but so far we have not have had the chance to properly appreciate it. in this film her character is the typical blonde. not much skill needed. enough said.

Mature-?

2009-11-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

today we had to give an impromptu speech for our oral communication class evaluation. and i think i did pretty well. whoo!!!

thanks to all those times we had debate practice

, all the times i attempted public speaking and totally screwed up, all those times of randomly going up in front of a class to give an announcement, all those times i entered debate competitions...

ah... the good ol' days...

experience has been a good teacher...

if only i had gotten it earlier. ;) (wanting to get something faster that you can only get by waiting ???)

maybe it's also due to the fact that public speaking has become a little blase... or maybe i've matured now that i'm oldER....

my topic was "where do i see myself in 5 years' time?"

shit i'm turning ~~OLD~~ twenty.

how can i stop time? can anyone tell me?

my lecturer called me a career woman after my speech....

so here is where i'm gonna be at 24!

HOPEFULLY

On The Other Hand

2009-11-16T05:38:00.000-08:00

Marriage is just another way of conforming to society's expectations.

Reproducing is just man being egotistical enough to want a part of him to continue existing when he's gone.

FIRE!!!

2009-11-06T16:40:00.000-08:00

When medieval clans wanted to downsize and dispose of unwanted folks without murdering them, they just burned their houses to the ground as a small hint. Thus the phrase "to get fired"

Of Deadlines, Dentists And Debonairs

2009-11-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

had a test today.

week 3 of 7. imagine having a test in your third week of a semester. INSANE.... regardless of whether you DO double the contact hours in this sem

ester...

i have assignments due next week and in week 5, as well as presentations and more tests.

it seems as though i never have a break, do i?

rush ruSH RUSH!!!!

on another note...

i went to the dentist today.

GOD i HATE going to the dentist.

nothing personal...

it's just purely my psychological problem.

cos it feels like they're shoving a DRILL down my throat.

worse.

like they're chopping up all my teeth.

and i have loads of cavities.

and i think i've finally figured out why...

you see, i have a MAJOR sweet tooth....

and i think that i'm like those kids you see on TV who keep eating candy and get loads of cavities... only i'm not 5 years old and my baby teeth fell out by the time i was 12...

unfortunately my sweet tooth developed as i aged :(

hmm.... i suddenly felt the urge to fill my blog post with pics to illustrate my point... this has never happened before... WEIRD. i'm changing???

owh. and GG spoiler alert.

in this one scene with chuck and serena, chuck is INSANELY HOT when he TAKES CHARGE of the situtation and explains to serena that they're not children anymore...

the way he says it is JUST-SO-HOT. and MANLY and DEBONAIR. GOSH.

and the way he treats blair!!!!

I WANT CHUCK BASS!!!

enough said...

Scandal And The Works Please

2009-11-04T09:35:00.001-08:00

OMGeee

i just watched the lastest GG episode.... GGS03Eo8...

the grandfather II

go look it up...

SOOOOOOOOO totally worth it...if gossip girl has been lacking scandal lately...

ITS BACK.

the scandal and cat fights and frenemy-ing and backstabbing

ALL of it!!!

and this ain't no high school no more people!!!

the stakes are WAAAY HIGH.

ok. it's 1.30 am now...

shit. i was supposed to revise my tutorials for a test on friday. instead i caught up on the lives of the upper east siders....

hee hee

but i've studied some? ergh... somehow i feel as if i'm not taking my studies seriously....

BTW. i posted something with which i wasn't happy about myself, being all insecure and vulnerable and seeking advice.... and all people care is that i went to a bloody concert. that says something :(

2009-11-04T03:49:00.001-08:00

The psychology department of Dayton University reports that loud talk can be ten times more distracting than the sound of a jackhammer. Loud, incessant chatter can make a listener nervous and irritable, and even start him on the road to insanity.

Dirty Little Secret

2009-11-01T10:04:00.000-08:00

"i'm gonna tell you guys something dirty about meee..."

"do you want to hear something dirty?"

"i said do you wanna hear something dirty!"

"do you know what it is?"

("you're GAY!")

"say 'DIRTY....'"

"say 'dirty LITTLE....'"

"DIRTY LITTLE SECRET!!!!"

tyson sure knows how to work up a crowd... <3

i recently had the realisation that i have the incessant need to constantly disagree with people whether or not they're wrong, sometimes to say something, sometimes just because.

it's annoying ME now. i think it's because i'm dissatisfied with myself... but that's just me being all psychiatristical....

please feel free to comment, i'll keep my contradicting opinions to myself.

High School...

2009-10-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

yin nang... if you have the one we took at my birthday celebration this year... i'd appreciate it :)

Hiatus: Off

2009-10-25T09:03:00.000-07:00

weeellll, where do i start?

from the life-changing experience i had from my community service programme

or my lame semester results

or the desolateness i feel being left behind while everyone around me seems to be moving on in life.....

ok so i've started a new semester. which means that its busy busy busy again readjusting to new classes.

this is supposed to be a short semester, but i'm taking double the number of subjects that i'm supposed to be taking. normal people are taking two, but i don't know what possessed me to register for four. albeit its just an extra 6 hours a week for 2 subjects... and they are basically mandatory supplementary subjects that we have to fulfill... and one doesn't even require us to sit for the final... so what the heck, if i flunk anything in the future, i'll have time to retake it with a few subjects less on my schedule...

and my last semester results didn't live up to even my LOWEST expectations. BOO. then again, surprisingly no one did exceptionally well either... not that i should be comparing myself to others nor should i be justifying my shortcomings...

and as for my community service thing, i finally survived it. it was a crappy two weeks. and i didn't even get the warm fuzzy feeling you're supposed to get from doing a good thing.

and now i'm suffering the backlash of wearing my body out... i'm surprised how anyone survived it... btw, ironically about half of our group organising the camp fell ill during the camp.

well, thats about it for now. if anyone's interested in knowing more about anything just leave me a message.... i'm not surprised my visitor count has dropped to almost zero.

a new semester, but i dont feel like staying near campus... i'd rather do the three-quart hourly commute one way everyday... just call me missing home...

new moon

2009-10-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

this trailer rocks. it gave me goosebumps...

this is the trailer they showed at the 2009 VMAs, excellent...

maybe the movie this time will be as much of a let down as its predecessor, but i have high hopes for this one. then again, i had high hopes for the last one too...

the last one was worse than its book, and thats saying a lot.

the book for this movie was in my opinion, even worse than the first book, so i'm guessing the movie cant be much worse :D

am i making sense? haha...

maybe the twilight saga should just stick to just trailers. the first trailer was good too. but misleading.

but nonetheless i'm gonna try my best to go watch this one, cos they feature ITALY!!! WOOT!!! venice, baby!!! and it has nice sports cars ;)

tired. day 1.

Especially To All Those Overseas,

2009-10-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

and of course everybody here,

HAPPY MID-AUTUMN FESTIVAL

zhong qiu jie khai le!

hahaha.... anyone missing mooncakes? ;)

Be Back In 2 Weeks

2009-10-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

well, lucy left on wednesday :(

BOO

and now, since my social calender has cleared up considerably, i have LOADS of time free...

kudos to me for thinking ahead, as now i have a FULL TWO WEEKS of activities planned, all courtesy of a certain community service project i joined...

so from the 4th of october to the 18th of october, i am OFFICIALLY BOOKED.

YAY :(

and then my second semester will start... on the 19th of october

how wonderful.... i have no time to obsess about my lack of a social life, and will instead dedicate my time to giving back to the community...

err, i need moral support!!! LOVE y'all!!

(i will busy from 8 am onwards every bloody single day, yay)

There And Back Again 2

2009-09-27T12:02:00.001-07:00

Last Monday night, they boarded a plane, and POOF, left malaysia

:'(

nic n i

cher n i

me and joyee

the CHSians who went...

(the back row is SOME of cher's posse...)

our PDL group ;)

we still keep in touch via skype and msn tho! whee!

just skyped with joyee n nic earlier this evening...

damn funny lar they all...

owh, and this fella left earlier this evening too... :(

wei khai n i

they all went THERE, but they will be BACK AGAIN...

There And Back Again 1

2009-09-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

This, is Sze Ying...

(for those who didn't know that)

i call her Zyng...

(it's just our thing ;p)

she's just left m'sia to go pursue her studies in london bla bla bla...

the second of many heartbreaks yet to come.

first was Da...

but i'm still in denial about that.

so yeah,

zyng...

see how happy we are together?

on the bright side she'll be visiting soon.

the other traitor is nic. (she's on the far left of the pic)

also going to the UK...

so then that'll leave sair and i.

and WE'LL HAVE FUN by george.

(i'm halfway through exams btw. and GOSSIP SIRL season 3 is out!!! XD

boy, isn't chair the sweetest couple ever.....

but you'll just have to watch for yourself!!!

scandal is brewing, i can FEEL it!!!

XOXO)

Exam Blues

2009-09-14T00:08:00.000-07:00

i have a pengajian m'sia paper tomoro.... can anyone tell me how to study for it? i haven't started >.<

urgh. since i sat for the first paper, which is the toughest one, i practically in holiday mood. EFF.

sad cos zyng's left :(

and the list grows....

One Semester Down, Nine More To Go.

2009-09-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

for classes at least.

today was technically my last day of classes for this semester. but there's still that gloomy oncoming storm of finals looming ahead, so the skies aren't exactly clear yet.

blasted tutor told SOME of us yesterday that we had to hand in an assignment by next week. so i rushed it last night and this morning during his class. when i asked him stuff i didn't understand about the assignment, he said "that's not in today's syllabus" =.= ha-ha.

good news for me was that i managed to complete it and hand it in. yay me, i don't havta go back to campus to hand it in. it wasn't a very difficult piece apparently as it turns out ;)

going out tonight! whee!

(not thinking about next week, not thinking about next week... damn, i should go study. i like totally FAILED one of my tests. for this bloody subject most of us just cant seem to get... )

(soc-meeting on sunday. not thinking about it, not thinking about it....)

I'M NOT IN DENIAL.

*denying denial*

(gonna need ~~retail~~ bargain therapy after this month)

Food For Thot

2009-09-04T03:07:00.000-07:00

Phobia: hippopotomonstroses and quippedaliophobia

Fear of: long words

hahahhahahah FUNNY!!!!

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.
W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)

Poems

2009-08-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

You, if you were sensible,

When I tell you the stars flash signals,

each one dreadful,

You would not turn and answer me

"The night is wonderful."

-D. H. Lawrence, "Under the Oak"

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;

Doubt thou that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt that I love.

-William Shakespeare Hamlet

“A photo says, You were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, You were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch. “–Anna, My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Picoult

Movie Mania

2009-08-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

went to catch a couple more movies with eu on friday.

the orphan was EXCELLENT. kudos on the counts of the plot, sequencing, timing, acting, effects. only one thing was sucky, that was its suspense. you'll know what i mean if you watch it.

beth cooper was not your ordinary chick-flick, as i thought it would be. it's more of a coming-of-age movie. a genre we havent seen in awhile. and the comedy is good.

recommended to watch both movies!!!

friday rocked.

went for CUG BBQ, it was nice... the after party was better ;)

Melacca Day Trip- 24.08.09

2009-08-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

JingH and i on the really really comfy bus on the way to m'sia's historical city of something like that...

jonker street for food!

chicken-rice balls. yum! ok, i don't get it, they're just rice in the shape of balls. whats so great about that??

CENDOL!!! <3

now THIS was GOOD....

on the revolving tower ;) that was fun!

ok more pics on facebook. malas nak upload lagi. you get the gist. we went around. and had fun and it was tiring but worth it. :)

Breather

2009-08-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

finished my last mid term paper today. WOOT!! oddly enough, it was held on the second last week of the semester =.= can it still be called a MID-term paper??? anyways, biggest concern is for the lecturer to mark it quickly so that we can go beg for more marks before the semester ends.

called eu out to catch 'the proposal' on the spur of the moment. skipped a class in celebration. whee.

'the proposal' was, err, average at best.

the writing was not very good, the plot predictable as a cliche, and acting was one-dimensional.

the only good part of the movie i feel was the "mother-in-law".

sandra bullock's portrayal of the mean boss with a sad past is refreshing after all that miss congeniality stuff. but she doesn't really bring it out.

ryan reynold's acting leaves much, much, MUCH to be desired. he doesn't utilise a perfectly good script. i mean, he does comedy, yet in this movie, equipped with a character that could bring so much humour to the plot, he is stony and grumpy throughout. i mean i get it that his character is supposed to be somewhat disgruntled and hence stony and grumpy, but a little cynicism goes a looong way.

will post pics on what i've been up to lately. although all are up on fb. lol. i suppose i should blog about it too...

well, went to melacca this past monday. and did a whole bunch of other stuff too. movies and meeting up and outings and ice-cream this weekend. hee hee. i know i should be studying. shit.

amanda left edi. !@#$%^&

lucy's staying!!! WHEE.

as for those other people going overseas... YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!!!! :(

Quickie Update

2009-08-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

been really busy.
yet somehow managed to go out for nic n zyng's farewell celebs, ice skating, japanese buffet TWICE in 3 days, mall, and catch GI JOE (which i deem to be THE BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER watched) .

really busy

still gotta deal with PTPTN stuff, which i got

so now i have a few K

and tests and assignments are still on,

MENTAL CASE punya timetable.

MENTAL i say.

still got club meetings to attend.

have i mentioned that i was busy?

havent been sleeping earlier than 2....

for... a month? more?

ahhh... uni life.....

bye bye busy!

Laughter?

2009-08-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

i lost my laugh...

:(

now i cant laugh properly

ha-ha.

i miss comedy.

\\\ ok... i'm editing this post...\\\

when i say that i lost my laugh, i mean i haven't laughed out loud uncontrollably in a long time. hence it feels as if i lost my laugh :(

yes, yes, i know i laugh when i hang out with people... but, it's happy la-dee-da laughing...

i LIVE FOR "OMG THAT'S SO FUNNY"

RollOnFloorLaughing

LaughMyAssOff

laughter....

like i used to get when i watched little britain, or kelsey grammer....

why is there no good comedy anymore?

mourn the temporary loss of good comedy.

who wants to join me in an attempt to revive comedy? ;)

2009-08-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

"A word is dead

When it is said
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day."

-Emily Dickinson, "VI. A Word."

Thank Eu!

2009-07-28T09:37:00.001-07:00

on saturday, eu chern treated his "starbucks-deprived" friend to a much needed starbucks...

said starbucks-deprived friend:
(posing with the starbucks for the sole reason of posting it on her blog)

the charitable (for the day) eu chern
(with his yucky green tea frappe)

the choc cream chip!

it was jizz-alicious!!! thanks babe!!
XD
and it WAS a very sweet gesture ;)

oh, and a random shot, from our mid night trek up some hill... somehow, we still managed to pull off the Gossip Girl look ;)

"ain't karma a bitch? we know blair waldorf is..."
-Gossip Girl

Pool/ Farewell Party

2009-07-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

so we had a party to send off the people who were leaving, aka going overseas... but somehow we had so much fun that we kinda forgot...

here're some pics!

ready? one, two...

zyng's the blur in the right ;)

the girls... 'cept for zyng, nic and jingH, right?

guess who's carrying lucy?? ;)

tired already???

group shot, of the people who were there at the time...

doing an ANTM pose ;)

another group shot!!!

How To Jump Properly Into The Pool At A Pool Party:

later that night....

the papparazzi attacked!!! oh NO!!!

uh-oh...

for all who are cool, there is but one rule...

I LOVE Y'ALL FOR COMING!!!! and you know you'll miss me!!!!
LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!

WHATTAWeekend!

2009-07-28T03:46:00.000-07:00

phew! i have just had one of the CRAZIEST, Wackiest, SICKEST, Fun-Packed, Emotional-rollercoasterISH, fast paced, tiring, exhausting weekends everrr!!! LOL, four day weekend somemore!

here's a quick summary before i blog bout the fun stuff...

Friday:
class.
met up with eu for lunch at sentral ;)
PDL meeting at joyee's place
mamak session at sri petaling
reached home at 1 >.<

Saturday:
went back to uni for site surveying practical
went to da's
party shopping at giant
(impromptu starbucks session ;p eu belanja-ed me cos i was starbucks-deprived)
PAAAAAARRRRTTTAAAAYYYYYYYYY
(had to go jump start my mum's car cos my sis KOed the battery =.=)
commonwealth park or something?
reached home at 1 am again...

Sunday:
CRAWLED ou tof bed on a RAINY SUNDAY morning at 7 am
(OMG i was CURSING the entire time. WHAT a better way to sleep off the previous night's ecstasy than warm and snug in bed on a RAINY SUNDAY MORNING?!?!?!)
drove to uni for club AGM =.=
drove home ONLY at 7.30 pm
damn tired
KOed

Monday:
crawled out of bed.
took the train to da's.
crashed at da's
RedBox with da, lucy and yingH at the curve!!! XD
photoshoot at da's!!!
back to uni
studied for mid term the next day (LAN subject only tho)

and here i am, tuesday night, still slightly exhausted, but am DAMN PROUD of myself for pulling this weekend off! even more so because the party was A HUGE HIT/SUCCESS!!! XD and i even managed to enjoy myself! because usually i get so strung up that i dont have that much fun...

and i daresay i prepared well enough for my paper, and will pass it! yay!

ok, gonna post pics soon ;)

What If...

2009-07-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

My best friend gave me the best advice:
He said each day's a gift and not a given right...

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last, Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if,
what if,
if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life

What's worth the price is always worth the fight

Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice

Don't take the free ride in your own life

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

And would you find that one you're dreaming of?

Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love

if today was your last day?

If today was your last day, Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars (Regardless of who you are)

So do whatever it takes,
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life;

Let nothing stand in your way.
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

lyrics to Nickelback's "If Today Was Your Last Day".

if i put it in non-song lyric format, is it easier to read? cos personally i never read song lyrics when they're posted.... seems sooo tedious...

yes, i posted thrice in one day. indicating that i'm either really bored or don't care cos i think that no one reads them posts anyway...

Need Food And Drink

2009-07-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

topic: FAREWELL PARTY
you-know-who for.

i need people to bring ~~booze/alcohol~~ DRINKS... and i NEED RSVPs? for those who haven't confirmed yet. oh, and stuff for s'mores, like cookies, chocolate bits and marshmallows.

guest list:
aiyoh, the same people as usual and a few more?
eu da ying jing lucy fck denise nic honlum yinnang zyng huiyee cher joyee liying

damn those people who can't make it... damn their schedules....

my guest list looks so pathetic :(

you people are supposed to INVITE FRIENDS. it's YOUR bloody FAREWELL PARTY for crying out loud. yes i know i clumped it all up together, so your friends might not know their friends or whatever... but i don't see anyone else throwing together anything of the sort for you.... =.=

BEATing Myself Up Over IT

2009-07-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

on this day in 1934,
John Dillinger was killed by the FBI outside the Biograph theater in Chicago.
hee hee, i watched
Johnny Depp play him in "Public Enemies" ;)
it was GOOD. go watch!

so i had a construction technology quiz today...
the lecturer gave a four-chapter scope for us to study, and told us that the quiz would comprise of ten true/false questions, 2 short-ans., 1 short-essay, and one sketch.
how the hell do you expect us to memorise everything for such a quiz???

so i pandai-pandai read up on stuff i thought would be tested on, and just flipped through the other stuff. =.= honestly, i SUCK at spotting questions. probably because my train of thought is abnormal, that's why i'm so weird. but my eccentricities aside, the wrong things stuck in my head while stuff that i thought were so mediocre, mundane, and commonplace and had like little chance of being tested on WERE tested. =.=

i don't know why, but when i read things that i already know and feel is general knowledge i just can't seem to remember until it's brought up. and then i dismiss it. :( then i can't for the life of me remember the parameters within which i have to write my answers down >.<

waterpark.

i have been beating myself over it the whole afernoon.

and life here is BORING. GAWD what does a girl have to do to get some entertainment here?!?!

now the only things i can look forward to are the PDLCs meetings and the party this weekend.

Curious

2009-07-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

everytime i come online, i go to my blog, anticipating a new comment in my c-box, or just a greeting, or a simple smiley.... oftentimes i stare at it disappointed, and console myself saying that maybe my life isn't that interesting.

i mean, i see the number of visitors, and my live feed thingy, people visit my blog... before i had those i was quite content with no one commenting... apparently ignorance IS bliss... now i'm ignorant no more, and if the saying holds true, so the bliss is gone. (note my use of the word "so". it doesn't mean "that's why", rather it means subsequently :p i'm dabbling in literary english wheee!)

i just came back to my room in setapak. i started off from home around 7.30. pm. yes, i went out late today. mostly because i miss home... and what i can get there. not to say that i don't wanna study... it's just that i love PJ. i mean, i love travelling and all, as in TOURING you know... and even then after touring i would just wanna go home and kick back in front of the tv or chill in the pool....

and its like at home i can get that everyday. and here, its like, hard to relax... :(

and i miss the ease of meeting up with friends in pj... they're just a 15 minute drive away at most... sigh.

and i'm supposed to be studying for a quiz this week, and all i can think about is the next thursday night outing, and wondering if once every week would be too much...

it's like, i'm studying, yet my social life doesn't slow down. and i'm wondering when will the time come for me to choose? as of yet i have been spared the decision. thank God. haha. but i love living my life to the fullest this way. being eith friends and studying, since i don't have the luxury of having both at once...

then again that makes me question my definition of a full life. i seem so self centered :(

but what makes a life considered "full"?

Harry Potter and Snape

2009-07-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

Phobia: liticaphobia
Fear of: lawsuits

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

hahaha...

went to watch Harry Potter and Snape. that's the simplified version of the name anyway. most people should know.

as the hpotter movies go, it was considerably better. but it stayed true to the tradition of all hpotter movies. it took its own liberties on the plot.

thank goodness i forgot most of the details, or else the movie would have no doubt been torturous.

stupid details were added, and vital parts were cut. go figure. it doesn't help.

and daniel radcliff cant act... well, the movies dont require much acting anyway.maybe he acts better naked on broadway.

i miss the harry potter books... :(

and THEY DIDN'T DO HIM JUSTICE. and the relationship they SHARED. and the love they felt for him. and the impact of HIS LIFE. yes, da, it's just a movie. but still he's like one of the most important characters. and the one who was the most developed.

stupid.

Frustration

2009-07-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

i have a stack of assignments/papers due.... right in front of me, and yet i can't seem to concentrate. it's like, there's this 5pm rush hour crowd in my head, and i just cant seem to find a way to settle it!

i keep wondering if this is how it feels when ypu're addicted to something, lost, aimless.... unable to focus, undisciplined... argh. i SO wanna complete my work SO badly.... but then when i think about doing it, i think about the next thing on my list...

here's how it looks like:
do measurement taking off list
do measurement taking off list cover
do site surveying tutorial
do site surveying lecture questions for revision of this week's class
do site surveying practical report
study for construction tech quiz next week, which was scheduled for tuesday at first, but its now on wednesday, giving me more time to study, take note of that

CALL people for confirmation of attendance to party, since NO ONE seems to be readiing my blog and are courteous enough to DROP ME A FUCKING COMMENT.

exercise
eat right
SLEEP

go check out that dress i saw in the shop this afternoon

go to church. think of proper outfit for church and for lunch and movie later

drive to tropicana after church
make it in time for lunch or eu will give me grief about it.

blog, reminding people about changes corcerning the party

think about more people to invite so that it'll be more fun
edit the guest list for maximum fun at party

plan next week's schedule

add classmates into my contact list so that i can forward them stuff

plan potential trips

remember upcoming tests and to study for them

figure out feelings, right now i'm feeling frustrated, calm, stressed, relaxed, happy, anxious... and.. pissed and annoyed.

and figure out if i should let myself develop a crush on a guy i just got to know. or if i even should spend time thinking about and crushing on someone.... seeing as how i don't even have time to think about myself....

and i've come to the conclusion that me not having a bouyfriend is a good thing, seeing as how much you'd have to invest in that. as i realised that i DON'T and WOULDN'T have time for a boyfriend.

i get tired just thinking of the things i have to do...

then i go rest, then when i feel up to it, i get up to do it, then i get tired just thinking of it again....

its a fucking idiotic cycle.

Farewell Party

2009-07-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

as aforementioned,

Amanda
Sze Ying
Nicole
Shereen and
JoYee

are leaving within the next 2 months to "further their studies".

so i'm throwing them a farewell party of sorts...

it's gonna be on the 25th of july, meaning next saturday, you can come around 4.00pm for swimming.

the people going off are encouraged to invite friends.

food will include pizza and KFC. and s'mores. and ASSORTED drinks, if you know what i mean.
anybody willing to help bring something?

everyone will chip in. hah.

i need an estimate of who's coming.

Push It To The Limit

2009-07-14T05:51:00.000-07:00

but KNOW your limit for heavens' sake....

this past weekend, i was sick. URGH. i absolutely detest falling sick when i have stuff to do....

my body was reacting to me not getting enough rest T.T

cos my mind was in fifth gear.... i think i pretty much only got five hours of sleep a night for one week, cos i didn't feel the need to... that plus an unbalanced, unhealthy diet, and zero exercise... equals overheating.

so i developed a mild cough, a mild fever, and an annoying headache.

i was wistfully thinking that i had somehow contracted H1N1, but a girl can dream.... then again, if i DID, then there would go my social life =.= so yeah... there's always a silver lining eh?

yet i somehow managed to go for a church group meeting on friday night, reaching home LATE, then climb out of bed the next morning at 7am to travel to uni for a site surveying class (which went exceptionally well, if i do say so myself), and travel back, and then drive myself home, and then attend my church anniversary dinner pretty much going stag, and then socialise with the members from our other churches, then drive myself home, then crawl out of bed the next morning for church, and then cher's ballet recital? performance thing later that evening....

so on sunday night, if i somehow managed to talk to you, you would have heard that i was sick...
yep, my body was finally overheating.
bleh

but on monday i was feeling better. heh, even managed a swim that evening.

but lesson learnt. stay home so that your parents can discipline you, and take care of you. so at least SOMEONE will worry about you, since you don't care what happens to yourself...

urgh. tests all lined up for a WHOLE MONTH =.= thats keeping us on our toes for you....